Toms

Well, let me tell ya, I heard some folks talkin’ ’bout this “Carrie nude tennis” thing. Don’t really know what it is, but sounds like somethin’ those youngsters are into these days. Heard tell it’s got somethin’ to do with pictures and videos, maybe on that there internet thingy. Now, I ain’t never seen nothin’ like that myself, but from what I gather, there’s this gal named Carrie. Seems she’s quite the looker, and she’s playin’ tennis… or somethin’ like that. But the catch is, she ain’t wearin’ much, if…

Alright, so you wanna know about this Downers Grove North football, huh? Okay, okay, I’ll tell ya what I know. Don’t expect no fancy talk though, I just tell it like it is. First off, them boys at Downers Grove North High School, they play some football. Real football, not that sissy stuff you see sometimes. They got a team, the Trojans they call ‘em, and they been playin’ pretty good. I heard they won a bunch of games this year, like ten of ‘em, maybe lost two. That’s pretty…

Alright, so you wanna know about them black rugby shirts, huh? I tell ya, back in my days, we didn’t have all this fancy stuff. We just wore whatever kept us warm, ya know? But these youngsters, they got all sorts of things. What’s the big deal with black rugby shirts? Well, I reckon it’s like this. Black, it’s a strong color, makes ya look tough, like you mean business. And rugby, that’s a rough game. So, black rugby shirt, it just fits, ya see? It’s like putting on your…

Well, let me tell ya somethin’ about these here motorcycle golf carts. I seen ’em, them fancy things, zippin’ around the golf course like little bumblebees. First time I saw one, I thought, “What in tarnation is that contraption?” Looked like a motorcycle and a golf cart had a baby or somethin’. Now, I ain’t no golfer, mind you. My idea of a good time is sittin’ on the porch with a glass of sweet tea and watchin’ the chickens peck. But these motorcycle golf carts, they got me thinkin’…

Alright, let’s talk about them shoes, you know, the ones for the little tykes to play that indoor football game. Them kids, they run around like chickens with their heads cut off, so they need good shoes, ya hear? First off, you gotta think about the comfort. Them little feet, they ain’t tough like ours. They need shoes that feel good, like they ain’t even wearin’ nothin’ at all. You know, soft inside, but strong outside. Then there’s the grip. Them indoor floors, they can be slippery like a greased…

Well, let me tell ya ’bout this thing, this… uh… “Santorini Shadow Box.” Sounds fancy, don’t it? My grandkid showed me a picture, and lemme tell ya, it’s purdy. Like somethin’ you’d see in a magazine, all them white houses stacked up on a hill. Reminds me a bit of them sugar cubes my ol’ man used to buy, all lined up neat and tidy. So, what is this thing anyways? It’s like a picture, but not flat. See, it’s got depth, like you could stick your finger in it,…

[Body] Alright, alright, let’s talk about these here white tennis dresses. You know, the kind them fancy gals wear on the TV. I seen ’em, all swishin’ and swooshin’ around the court. First off, what are they, anyway? Well, they’re just dresses, I reckon, but made for playin’ tennis. Some got them little shorts built right in, which is mighty practical, I gotta say. Keeps things decent, you know? Ain’t nobody wantin’ to see more than they bargained for when they’re watchin’ a tennis match. They come in all sorts…