Toms

Alright, alright, let’s talk about this here… foot-ball, yeah, that’s what them city folks call it. I seen some pictures, you know, them shiny ones in the papers and on that telly-vision thingy. Lordy, them crowds! Big, big crowds, like a whole town gathered ’round for a barn raisin’, but bigger, way bigger. I seen one picture, looked like ants crawlin’ all over each other, they said it was some kinda cup final, way back when. Bolton, somethin’ or other, they won. Two to nothin’, they said. Two! Imagine that,…

Alright, let’s talk about these black basketball shorts, you know, the kind them young fellas wear when they’re runnin’ around the court. I ain’t no expert, but I know a thing or two about comfy clothes, and these shorts, well, they seem right comfy. First off, they gotta be loose, real loose. You don’t wanna be wearin’ somethin’ tight when you’re tryin’ to jump and run, ain’t that right? Like them fellas say, gotta have “full range of motion”. I don’t know what that means exactly, but sounds like you…

Alright, let’s talk about these top flight golf clubs. Ya know, the ones them fancy folks use. I ain’t no expert, mind you, just seen a thing or two. My old man, he used to whack balls with sticks he found in the woods, but these here clubs, they somethin’ else. First off, they got these “drivers,” big ol’ things, look like you could beat a rug with ’em. Folks say they make the ball go a country mile. I dunno ’bout all that, but they sure are shiny. Heard…

Alright, so you wanna know about this Brandon Hyde fella and how much money he’s making, huh? Well, lemme tell ya, it ain’t easy finding out these things. These baseball folks, they like to keep their money talk hush-hush, ya know? Like they’re hidin’ somethin’. So, who is this Brandon Hyde guy anyway? Well, from what I gather, he’s the big boss man for the Orioles, the baseball team in Baltimore. He’s the manager, the one tellin’ them fellas what to do on the field. Seems like a tough job,…

Alright, listen up, y’all. We gonna talk about some silly things to putt with when you’re playin’ that there golf game. You know, the one where you hit the little white ball with a stick? Yeah, that’s the one. Sometimes, that game gets a bit… well, boring. Just hittin’ the ball, walkin’, hittin’ the ball again. So, we gotta spice it up, make it fun, ya hear? First off, let’s talk about makin’ your own little golf course, right in your yard or even inside your house! You don’t need…

Well, hello there, everyone! Let me tell ya ’bout this here Royal Thai Army Golf Course. I ain’t no fancy golfer, mind you, but I know a thing or two ’bout places, ya know? This place, it’s in that big city, Bangkok, they call it. Heard it’s real busy over there, but this golf course, it’s like a whole ‘nother world. They got two courses there, see? An old one and a new one. The new one, they say it’s right next to the old one. Makes sense, I guess….

Well, howdy there! Let me tell ya about this here Randall Oaks Golf Club, ya hear? It ain’t nothin’ fancy, but it’s a good place to whack some balls, if ya know what I mean. First off, what is this place? It’s a golf course, plain and simple. A golf course for folks like you and me, not just them highfalutin city slickers. They call it a “public course,” which I guess means anybody can come and play, long as ya got the money, of course. This Randall Oaks ain’t…

Alright, so you wanna know about this Vladislava Gagan, huh? Let me tell ya, this girl, she’s somethin’ else. I heard tell she’s a bodybuilder, and lemme tell ya, that ain’t no easy thing. You gotta lift them heavy things, you know, the barbells and such. My old man, he used to lift hay bales, but that ain’t the same, not one bit. This Vladislava, she’s strong, like real strong. They say her chest is like, 107 centimeters. That’s a lot, ain’t it? I don’t rightly know what a centimeter…

Alright, let’s talk about them rugby clothes, you know, the stuff them fellas wear when they’re runnin’ around and smashin’ into each other. I seen it on the TV once, kinda like football but, you know, different. They got them shirts, the rugby shirts, and they ain’t like your regular shirts, no sir. Them rugby shirts, they call ’em jerseys too, I heard. Some got short sleeves, some got long. It don’t matter much, I guess, long as you can move around good in ’em. They gotta be made strong…