Toms

Well, let me tell ya somethin’ about them 1 bushel crab wax boxes. You know, the ones they use for all them crabs? Yeah, them ones. They ain’t just any ol’ boxes, no sirree. I seen ’em use these boxes down by the docks, where them fellas bring in all the seafood. Them boxes, they’re somethin’ special, I tell ya. They got this waxy stuff all over ’em. Keeps the water out, see? Crabs, they like to be wet, but not too wet. These boxes, they keep ’em just right….

Well, let me tell ya, rugby songs, they’re somethin’ else, you know? Like when them fellas get all riled up before a game, they need somethin’ to get their blood pumpin’. It ain’t just any ol’ music, mind you. It’s gotta be the kind that makes ya wanna run through a brick wall, or maybe tackle a cow, if you’re feelin’ frisky. Rugby songs, yeah, that’s what gets them boys goin’. I remember seein’ my grandson, little Billy, playin’ rugby once. He was a scrawny fella, but when that music…

Alright, let’s talk about them Jimmy Butler basketball shoes, you know, the ones that fella wears when he’s runnin’ and jumpin’ on that court. I ain’t no expert, mind you, but I seen a thing or two, and I can tell ya what’s what. First off, they got these shoes called Li-Ning Jimmy Butler 2, or somethin’ like that. Sounds fancy, huh? Folks say they’re his “signature” shoes, which I guess means they got his name on ’em and he likes ’em enough to wear ’em. They say it’s the…

Alright, alright, listen up ya’ll. You wanna find a place to play that bouncy ball game, the one where you throw it in a net? Basketball, that’s what they call it. You want them indoor places, ‘cause who wants to play when it’s rainin’ cats and dogs, or snowin’ like a banshee, right? So, you lookin’ for “indoor basketball gyms near me,” that’s what the young’uns told me to say. Okay, here we go. First off, you gotta think about them community centers. Yeah, them YMCA places. They got all…

Alright, let’s talk about this Illini basketball, you know, the Fighting Illini. Folks keep jabbering about it, so I figured I’d put in my two cents, even if I don’t know a basketball from a pumpkin half the time. Now, they got this thing called “Oskee Rewards.” Sounds fancy, huh? Basically, if you go to their games, you get points. Points for watchin’ kids throw a ball around! What you do with them points, I ain’t exactly sure. Maybe you can trade ’em in for a bigger bucket of popcorn…

Well, howdy there! Let’s talk about them shipping boxes, you know, the kind you stuff things in to send ’em off somewheres. We ain’t talkin’ ’bout no fancy-schmancy stuff here, just good ol’ boxes for gettin’ your things from here to there. Now, first things first, you gotta figure out how big a box you need. It ain’t rocket science, I tell ya. You just take whatever you’re sendin’, and you measure it. Yep, measure the length, the width, and don’t forget the height too. Just like when you’re measurin’…

Alright, alright, let’s talk about this here… foot-ball, yeah, that’s what them city folks call it. I seen some pictures, you know, them shiny ones in the papers and on that telly-vision thingy. Lordy, them crowds! Big, big crowds, like a whole town gathered ’round for a barn raisin’, but bigger, way bigger. I seen one picture, looked like ants crawlin’ all over each other, they said it was some kinda cup final, way back when. Bolton, somethin’ or other, they won. Two to nothin’, they said. Two! Imagine that,…

Alright, let’s talk about these black basketball shorts, you know, the kind them young fellas wear when they’re runnin’ around the court. I ain’t no expert, but I know a thing or two about comfy clothes, and these shorts, well, they seem right comfy. First off, they gotta be loose, real loose. You don’t wanna be wearin’ somethin’ tight when you’re tryin’ to jump and run, ain’t that right? Like them fellas say, gotta have “full range of motion”. I don’t know what that means exactly, but sounds like you…