Peyton

[Body] Well, let me tell ya ’bout this here Optishot 2 Golf Simulator. My son-in-law, he got one of these things. Said it was for “golfin’ practice” when the weather’s bad. Golfin’ practice, my foot! Looks more like a fancy toy to me, but hey, what do I know? So, this thing, it’s supposed to let ya play golf indoors. Yeah, you heard that right, indoors! No need to go traipsin’ around in the hot sun or the freezin’ cold. You just set it up in your house – if…

[Body] Alright, let’s talk about this Binh Huynh tennis Utah thing. I ain’t no fancy tennis player, ya know? More of a dig-in-the-dirt, chase-the-chickens kinda gal. But I heard some folks talkin’ ’bout it down at the market, so I figured I’d poke around a bit and see what all the fuss is about. First off, sounds like this Binh Huynh fella is a tennis coach over in Salt Lake City. Salt Lake City, that’s a big place, ain’t it? Heard tell it’s got mountains and all sorts of fancy…

Alright, let’s talk about them Cleveland Browns football helmets, you know, the ones them fellas wear when they’re bangin’ into each other on that there field. First off, you gotta know, these helmets ain’t just for show. They’re hard as a rock, gotta be, to keep them boys’ heads safe. I seen some nasty hits, let me tell ya, and them helmets, they do their job. I reckon they’re made of some kinda fancy plastic, not like the buckets we used to use ’round the farm, that’s for sure. Now,…

Alright, let’s talk about this fella, Isaac Rochell. Folks are always yappin’ about how much money these football players make, so I figured, why not take a look-see for ourselves? They call it “net worth,” which I guess means how much stuff he’s got, minus what he owes. Sounds complicated, but we’ll keep it simple. Now, they say this Isaac guy, he plays football, the kind where they wear helmets and smack into each other. He’s a “defensive end,” whatever that means. Sounds rough. Anyways, he’s been playin’ for a…

Well, let me tell ya somethin’ about this Steffi Graf gal, the tennis player. Folks are always snoopin’ around, lookin’ for things they shouldn’t be. I heard some whispers ’bout “Steffi Graf nude,” you know, pictures and such. Now, I ain’t one for lookin’ at that kinda stuff, but the young’uns these days, they got their eyes glued to them computer screens and phones. Steffi Graf, the tennis star, she was real good at hittin’ that little yellow ball. Won a bunch of matches, they say. Real famous. Born back…

Alright, let me tell ya ’bout this place, 1855 Beachside Tennis. It’s on some island, Hilton Head they call it. Fancy name, huh? Now, they say it’s got “gorgeous views” of somethin’ called Calibogue Sound. Sounds like a lot of hoity-toity talk to me, but I gotta say, the water is mighty pretty. Sparkly and blue, like a robin’s egg, you know? You can see it right from the place, which is good, ’cause my old legs ain’t up for much walkin’ these days. This place, it’s a condo, they…

[Body] Well now, let’s talk about this Polini Thor 250 CDI box thingy, ya know, the one they say is so important for them motor thingies. I ain’t no expert, but I’ve heard folks jabberin’ about it, so I figured I’d tell ya what I know, or what I think I know, anyway. First off, what the heck is a CDI box, right? Sounds fancy, but from what I gather, it’s like the heart of that engine, makin’ it go boom boom. It gives that spark, ya see, to make…

Alright, so you wanna know about them old-timey basketball thingamajigs, huh? Them “old fashioned basketball attempts,” they call ’em in the fancy newspaper crossword. Well, let me tell ya, back in my day, we didn’t have all this fancy slam-dunking and three-point shooting. It was all about them set shots, you hear? Yep, set shots. That’s the word they was lookin’ for in that crossword puzzle. Took me a while to figure it out, all them fancy clues and whatnot. But a set shot, that’s when you stand still, feet…

Well, let me tell ya ’bout this here la golf putter, ya know, the kind them fancy folks use on the telly. I ain’t no pro, but I seen enough golf on that there TV to know a thing or two. Now, this putter, it ain’t your grandpa’s old stick, that’s for sure. First off, they say it’s got this “descending loft face technology.” Sounds mighty fancy, don’t it? What it means, near as I can figure, is that the face of the putter ain’t flat like a pancake. It’s…